no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
