idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
