I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
