I wannas sexs uuuuu
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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