I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's shark week go big or go home
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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