Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
