I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
