She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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