Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize