I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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