The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
