I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
