he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
