So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
