I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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