we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
