your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
