Will you blow on my dice?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I believe in your delicious
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
