My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
