fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
