I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
