Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
