A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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