is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
