I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
