When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
