Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
