WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize