I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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