Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize