I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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