next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
