last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
