dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
