I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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