So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
