so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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