You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
