what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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