Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
