So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
