Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
