I will die if light touches me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
