She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
