just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
