My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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