Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
