I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
