You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
