my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
