she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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