ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
