I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
