You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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