so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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