A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
