Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
