okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
