they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
