i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
