they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
