I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
