You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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