need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish there were birth control emojis
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
