all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
