worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize