now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
