She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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