i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
