tell your sister to shave her snatch
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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