he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize