I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
