mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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