I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
