Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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