i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize