I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
