Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
