Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
