People in love make me want to vomit
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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