hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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