12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the day after is always just damage control
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize