1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
